CLARA VAUGHAN  A NOVEL  IN THREE VOLUMES  R .  D .  Blackmore  London and Cambridge : MACMILLAN AND CO. 1864.  The Right of Translation and Reproduction is reserved .  CLARA VAUGHAN  BOOK I .  CHAPTER I .  I do not mean to describe myself .  Already I feel that the personal pronoun will appear too often in these pages .  Knowing the faults of my character almost as well as my best friends know them , I shall attempt to hide them no more than would those beloved ones .  Enough of this : the story I have to tell is strange , and short as my own its preamble .  The day when I was ten years old began my serious life .  It was the 30th of December , 1842 ; and proud was the kiss my loving father gave me for spelling , writing , and pronouncing the date in English , French , and Italian .  No very wonderful feat , it is true , for a clever child well-taught ; but I was by no means a clever child ; and no one except my father could teach me a single letter .  When , after several years of wedlock , my parents found new joy in me , their bliss was soon overhung with care .  They feared , but durst not own the fear , lest the wilful , passionate , loving creature , on whom their hearts were wholly set , should be torn from their love to a distance greater than the void of death ; in a word , should prove insane .  At length they could no longer hide this terror from each other .  One look told it all ; and I vaguely remember my hazy wonder at the scene that followed .  Like a thief , I came from the corner behind the curtain-loops , and trembled at my father 'sknee , for him to say something to me .  Then frightened at his silence — a thing unknown to me — I pulled his hands from before his eyes , and found hot tears upon them .  I coaxed him then , and petted him , and felt his sorrows through me ; then made believe to scold him for being so naughty as to cry .  But I could not get his trouble from him , and he seemed to watch me through his kisses .  Before I had ceased to ponder dreamily over this great wonder , a vast event ( for a child of seven ) diverted me .  Father , mother , and Tooty — for so I then was called — were drawn a long way by horses with yellow men upon them : from enlarged experience I infer that we must have posted to London .  Here , among many marvels , I remember especially a long and mysterious interview with a kind , white-haired old gentleman , who wore most remarkable shoes .  He took me upon his lap , which seemed to me rather a liberty ; then he smoothed down my hair , and felt my head so much that I asked if he wanted to comb it , having made up my mind to kick if he dared to try such a thing .  Then he put all sorts of baby questions to me which I was disposed to resent , having long discarded Cock Robin and Little Red-riding-hood .  Unconsciously too , I was moved by Nature 'sstrong hate of examination .  But my father came up , and with tears in his eyes begged me to answer everything .  Meanwhile my mother sat in a dark corner , as if her best doll was dying .  With its innate pugnacity , my hazy intellect rose to the situation , and I narrowly heeded every thing .  " Now go , my dear , " the old gentleman said at last ; " you are a very good little girl indeed .  "  " That 'sa great lie , " I cried ; for I had learned bad words from a flighty girl , taken rashly as under-nurse .  The old gentleman seemed surprised , and my mother was dreadfully shocked .  My father laughed first , then looked at me sadly ; and I did what he expected , I jumped into his arms .  At one word from him , I ran to the great physician , and humbly begged his pardon , and offered him my very dearest toy .  He came up warmly , and shook my father 'shand , and smiled from his heart at my mother .  " Allow me , Mrs. Vaughan — allow me , my dear sir — to congratulate you cordially .  The head is a noble and honest one .  It is the growth of the brain that causes these little commotions ; but the congestion will not be permanent .  The fits , that have so alarmed you , are at this age a good symptom ; in fact , they are Nature 'sremedy .  They may last for seven years , or even for ten ; of course they will not depart at once .  But the attacks will be milder , and the intervals longer , when she has turned fourteen .  For the intellect you need have no fear whatever .  Only keep her quiet , and never force her to learn .  She must only learn when it comes as it were with the wind .  She will never forget what she does learn .  "  Hereupon , unless I am much mistaken , my father and mother fell to and kissed and hugged one another , and I heard a sound like sobbing ; then they caught me up , and devoured me , as if I were born anew ; and staring round with great childish eyes , I could not catch the old gentleman 'sglance at all .  Henceforth I learned very little , the wind , perhaps , being unfavourable ; and all the little I did learn came from my father 'slips .  His patience with me was wonderful ; we spent most of the day together , and when he was forced to leave me , I took no food until he returned .  Whenever his horse was ordered , Miss Clara 'slittle grey pony began to neigh and to fidget , and Miss Clara was off in a moment to get her blue riding-skirt .  Even when father went shooting or fishing , Tooty was sure to go too , except in the depth of winter ; and then she was up at the top of the house , watching all round for the gun-smoke .  Ah , why do I linger so over these happy times — is it the pleasure of thinking how fondly we loved one another , or is it the pain of knowing that we can do so no more ?  Now , the 30th of December was my parents 'wedding-day , for I had been born six years exact after their affectionate union .  And now that I was ten years old — a notable hinge on the door of life — how much they made , to be sure , of each other and of me !  At dinner I sat in glory between them , upsetting all ceremony , pleasing my father , and teasing my mother , by many a childish sally .  So genial a man my father was that he would talk to the servants , even on state occasions , quite as if they were human beings .  Yet none of them ever took the smallest liberty with him , unless it were one to love him .  Before dessert , I interred my queen doll , with much respect and some heartache , under a marble flag by the door , which had been prepared for the purpose .  My father was chief-mourner , but did not cry to my liking , until I had pinched him well .  After this typical good-bye to childhood , I rode him back to the dining-table , and helped him and my mother to the last of the West 'sSt. Peter grapes , giving him all the fattest ones .  Then we all drank health and love to one another , and I fell to in earnest at a child 'sdelight .  Dearest father kept supplying me with things much nicer than are now to be got , while my mother in vain pretended to guard the frontier .  It was the first time I tasted Guava jelly ; and now , even at the name , that scene is bright before me .  The long high room oak-panelled , the lights and shadows flickering as on a dark bay horse , the crimson velvet curtains where the windows were gone to bed , the great black chairs with damask cushions , but hard and sharp at the edge , the mantel-piece all carved in stone which I was forbidden to kick , the massive lamp that never would let me eat without loose clouds of hair dancing all over my plate , and then the great fire , its rival , shuddering in blue flames at the thought of the frost outside ; all these things , and even the ticking of the timepiece , are more palpable to me now than the desk on which I write .  My father sat in his easy chair , laughing and joking , full of life and comfort , with his glass of old port beside him , his wife in front , and me , his " Claricrops , " at his knee .  More happy than a hundred kings , he wished for nothing better .  At one time , perhaps , he had longed for a son to keep the ancient name , but now he was quite ashamed of the wish , as mutiny against me .  After many an interchange , a drink for father , a sip for Tooty , he began to tell wondrous stories of the shots he had made that day ; especially how he had killed a woodcock through a magpie 'snest .  My mother listened with playful admiration ; I with breathless interest , and most profound belief .  Then we played at draughts , and fox and goose , and pretended even to play at chess , until it was nine o'clock , and my hour of grace expired .  Three times Ann Maples came to fetch me , but I would not go .  At last I went submissively at one kind word from my father .  My mother obtained but a pouting kiss , for I wanted to wreak some vengeance ; but my father I never kissed with less than all my heart and soul .  I flung both arms around his neck , laid my little cheek to his , and whispered in his ear that I loved him more than all the world .  Tenderly he clasped and kissed me , and now I am sure that through his smile he looked at me with sadness .  Turning round at the doorway , I stretched my hands towards him , and met once more his loving , laughing eyes .  Once more and only once .  Next I saw him in his coffin , white and stark with death .  By-and-by I will tell what I know ; at present I can only feel .  The emotions — away with long words — the passions which swept my little heart , with equal power rend it now .  Long I lay dumb and stunned at the horror I could not grasp .  Then with a scream , as in my fits , I flung upon his body .  What to me were shroud and shell , the rigid look and the world of awe ?  Such things let step-children fear .  Not I , when it was my father .  CHAPTER II .  How that deed was done , I learned at once , and will tell .  By whom and why it was done , I have given my life to learn .  The evidence laid before the coroner was a cloud and fog of mystery .  For days and days my mother lay insensible .  Then , for weeks and weeks , she would leap from her bed in fits of terror , stare , and shriek and faint .  As for the servants , they knew very little , but imagined a great deal .  The only other witnesses were a medical man , a shoemaker , and two London policemen .  The servants said that , between one and two in the morning , a clear , wild shriek rang through the house .  Large as the building was , this shriek unrepeated awoke nearly all but me .  Rushing anyhow forth , they hurried and huddled together at the head of the great staircase , doubting what to do .  Some said the cry came one way , some another .  Meanwhile Ann Maples , who slept with me in an inner room at the end of a little passage , in the courage of terror went straight to her master and mistress .  There , by the light of a dim night-lamp , used to visit me , she saw my mother upright in the bed , and pointing towards my father 'sbreast .  My father lay quite still ; the bed-clothes were smooth upon him .  My mother did not speak .  Ann Maples took the lamp , and looked in her master 'sface .  His eyes were open , wide open as in amazement , but the surprise was death .  One arm was stiff around his wife , the other lax upon the pillow .  As she described it in West-country phrase , " he looked all frore .  " The woman rushed from the room , and screamed along the passage .  The servants ran to her , flurried and haggard , each afraid to be left behind .  None except the butler dared to enter .  Whispering and trembling they peered in after him , all ready to run away .  Thomas Kenwood loved his master dearly , being his foster-brother .  He at once removed the bedclothes , and found the fatal wound .  So strongly and truly was it dealt , that it pierced the centre of my dear father 'sheart .  One spot of blood and a small three-cornered hole was all that could be seen .  The surgeon , who came soon after , said that the weapon must have been a very keen and finely-tempered dagger , probably of foreign make .  The murderer must have been quite cool , and well acquainted with the human frame .  Death followed the blow on the instant , without a motion or a groan .  In my mother 'sleft hand strongly clutched was a lock of long , black , shining hair .  A curl very like it , but rather finer , lay on my father 'sbosom .  In the room were no signs of disorder , no marks of forcible entrance .  One of the maids , a timid young thing , declared that soon after the stable-clock struck twelve , she had heard the front balusters creak ; but as she was known to hear this every night , little importance was attached to it .  The coroner paid more attention to the page ( a sharp youth from London ) , who , being first in the main corridor , after the cry , saw , or thought he saw , a moving figure , where the faint starlight came in at the oriel window .  He was the more believed , because he owned that he durst not follow it .  But no way of escape could be discovered there , and the eastern window was strongly barred betwixt the mullions .  No door , no window was anywhere found open .  Outside the house , the only trace was at one remarkable spot .  The time had been chosen well .  It was a hard black frost , without , as yet , any snow .  The ground was like iron , and an Indian could have spied no trail .  But at this one spot , twenty-five yards from the east end of the house , and on the verge of a dense shrubbery , a small spring , scarcely visible , oozed among the moss .  Around its very head , it cleared , and kept , a narrow space quite free from green , and here its margin was a thin coat of black mineral mud , which never froze .  This space , at the broadest , was but two feet and ten inches across from gravel to turf , yet now it held two distinct footprints , not of some one crossing and re-crossing , but of two successive steps leading from the house into the shrubbery .  These footprints were remarkable ; the one nearest the house was of the left foot , the other of the right .  Each was the impression of a long , light , and pointed boot , very hollow at the instep .  But they differed in this — the left footprint was plain and smooth , without mark of nail , or cue , or any other roughness ; while the right one was clearly stamped in the centre of the sole with a small rectangular cross .  This mark seemed to have been made by a cruciform piece of metal , or some other hard substance , inlaid into the sole .  At least , so said a shoemaker , who was employed to examine it ; and he added that the boots were not those of the present fashion , what he called " duck 'sbills " being then in vogue .  This man being asked to account for the fact of the footprints being so close together , did so very easily , and with much simplicity .  It was evident , he said , that a man of average stature , walking rapidly , would take nearly twice that distance in every stride ; but here the verge of the shrubbery , and the branches striking him in the face , had suddenly curtailed the step .  And to this , most likely , and not to any hurry or triumph , was to be ascribed the fact that one so wily and steadfast did not turn back and erase the dangerous tokens .  Most likely , he did not feel what was beneath his feet , while he was battling with the tangle above .  Be that as it may , there the marks remained , like the blotting-paper of his crime .  Casts of them were taken at once , and carefully have they been stored by me .  The shoemaker , a shrewd but talkative man , said unasked that he had never seen such boots as had left those marks , since the " Young Squire " ( he meant Mr. Edgar Vaughan ) went upon his travels .  For this gratuitous statement , he was strongly rebuked by the coroner .  For the rest , all that could be found out , after close inquiry , was , that a stranger darkly clad had been seen by the gamekeepers , in a copse some half-mile from the house , while the men were beating for woodcocks on the previous day .  He did not seem to be following my father , and they thought he had wandered out of the forest road .  He glided quickly away , before they could see his features , but they knew that he was tall and swarthy .  No footprints were found in that ride like those by the shrubbery spring .  I need not say what verdict the coroner 'sjury found .  CHAPTER III .  Thus far , I have written in sore haste , to tell , as plainly and as briefly as possible , that which has darkened all my life .  Though it never leaves my waking thoughts , to dwell upon it before others is agony to me .  Henceforth my tale will flow perhaps more easily , until I fall again into a grief almost as dark , and am struck by storms of passion which childhood 'sstature does not reach .  When the shock of the household , and the wonder of the county , and the hopes of constables ( raised by a thousand pounds 'reward ) had subsided gradually , my mother continued to live in the old mansion , perhaps because none of her friends came forward to remove her .  Under my father 'swill she was the sole executrix ; but all the estates ( including house and park ) were left to my father 'snearest relative , as trustee for myself , with a large annuity to my mother charged upon them .  There were many other provisions and powers in the will , which are of no consequence to my story .  The chief estate was large and rich , extending three or four miles from the house , which stood in a beautiful part of Gloucestershire .  The entire rental was about 12 , 000 * l .  * a year .  My father ( whose name was Henry Valentine Vaughan ) , being a very active man in the prime of life , had employed no steward , but managed everything himself .  The park , and two or three hundred acres round it , had always been kept in hand ; the rest was let to thriving tenants , who loved ( as they expressed it ) " every hair on the head of a Vaughan .  " There was also a small farm near the sea , in a lonely part of Devonshire ; but this was my mother 's, having been left to her by her father , a clergyman in that neighbourhood .  My father 'snearest relative was his half-brother , Edgar Vaughan , who had been educated for the Bar , and at one time seemed likely to become eminent ; then suddenly he gave up his practice , and resided ( or rather roved ) abroad , during several years .  Sinister rumours about him reached our neighbourhood , not long before my father 'sdeath .  To these , however , the latter paid no attention , but always treated his brother Edgar with much cordiality and affection .  But all admitted that Edgar Vaughan had far outrun his income as a younger son , which amounted to about 600 * l .  * a year .  Of course , therefore , my father had often helped him .  On the third day after that night , my guardian came to Vaughan Park .  He was said to have hurried from London , upon learning there what had happened .  The servants and others had vainly and foolishly tried to keep from me the nature of my loss .  Soon I found out all they knew , and when the first tit and horror left me , I passed my whole time , light or dark , in roving from passage to passage , from room to room , from closet to closet , searching every chink and cranny for the murderer of my father .  Though heretofore a timid child , while so engaged I knew not such a thing as fear ; but peered , and groped , and listened , feeling every inch of wall and wainscot , crawling lest I should alarm my prey , spying through the slit of every door , and shaking every empty garment .  Certain boards there were near the east window which sounded hollow ; at these I scooped until I broke my nails .  In vain nurse Maples locked me in her room , held me at her side , or even bound me to the bed .  My ravings forced her soon to yield , and I would not allow her , or any one else , to follow me .  The Gloucester physician said that since the disease of my mind had taken that shape , it would be more dangerous to thwart than to indulge it .  It was the evening of the third day , and weary with but never of my search , I was groping down the great oak-staircase in the dusk , hand after hand , and foot by foot , when suddenly the main door-bell rang .  The snow was falling heavily , and had deadened the sound of wheels .  At once I slid ( as my father had taught me to do ) down the broad balustrade , ran across the entrance-hall , and with my whole strength drew back the bolt of the lock .  There I stood in the porch , unfrightened , but with a new kind of excitement on me .  A tall dark man came up the steps , and shook the snow from his boots .  The carriage-lamp shone in my face .  I would not let him cross the threshold , but stood there and confronted him .  He pretended to take me for some servant 'schild , and handed me a parcel covered with snow .  I flung it down , and said , looking him full in the face , " I am Clara Vaughan , and you are the man who killed my father .  " " Carry her in , John , " he said to the servant — " carry her in , or the poor little thing will die .  What eyes !  " and he used some foreign oath — " what wonderful eyes she has !  "  That burst of passion was the last conscious act of the young and over-laboured brain .  For three months I wandered outside the gates of sorrow .  My guardian , as they told me , was most attentive throughout the whole course of the fever , and even in the press of business visited me three times every day .  Meanwhile , my mother was slowly shaking off the stupor which lay upon her , and the new fear of losing me came through that thick heaviness , like the wind through a fog .  Doubtless it helped to restore her senses , and awoke her to the work of life .  Then , as time went on , her former beauty and gentleness came back , and her reason too , as regarded other subjects .  But as to that which all so longed to know , not a spark of evidence could be had from her .  The faintest allusion to that crime , the name of her loved husband , the mere word " murder " uttered in her presence — and the consciousness would leave her eyes , like a loan withdrawn .  Upright she sat and rigid as when she was found that night , with the lines of her face as calm and cold as moonlight .  Only two means there were by which her senses could be restored : one was low sweet music , the other profound sleep .  She was never thrown into this cataleptic state by her own thoughts or words , nor even by those of others when in strict sequence upon her own .  But any attempt to lead her to that one subject , no matter how craftily veiled , was sure to end in this .  The skilful physician , who had known her many years , judged , after special study of this disease , in which he felt deep interest , that it was always present in her brain , but waited for external aid to master her .  I need not say that she was now unfit for any stranger 'sconverse , and even her most careful friends must touch sometimes the motive string .  As I recovered slowly from long illness , the loss of my best friend and the search for my worst enemy revived and reigned within me .  Sometimes my guardian would deign to reason with me upon what he called " my monomania .  " When he did so , I would fix my eyes upon him , but never tried to answer .  Now and then , those eyes seemed to cause him some uneasiness ; at other times he would laugh and compare them pleasantly to the blue fire-damp in a coal-mine .  His dislike of their scrutiny was well known to me , and incited me the more to urge it .  But in spite of all , he was ever kind and gentle to me , and even tried some grimly playful overtures to my love , which fled from him with loathing , albeit a slow conviction formed that I had wronged him by suspicion .  Edgar Malins Vaughan , then about thirty-seven years old , was ( I suppose ) a very handsome man , and perhaps of a more striking presence than my dearest father .  His face , when he was pleased , reminded me strongly of the glance and smile I had lost , but never could it convey that soft sweet look , which still came through the clouds to me , now and then in dreams .  The outlines of my guardian 'sface were keener too and stronger , and his complexion far more swarthy .  His eyes were of a hard steel-blue , and never seemed to change .  A slight lameness , perceptible only at times , did not impair his activity , but served him as a pretext for declining all field-sports , for which ( unlike my father ) he had no real taste .  His enjoyments , if he had any — and I suppose all men have some — seemed to consist in the management of the estate ( which he took entirely upon himself ) , in satiric literature and the news of the day , or in lonely rides and sails upon the lake .  It was hinted too , by Thomas Kenwood , who disliked and feared him strangely , that he drank spirits or foreign cordials in his own room , late at night .  There was nothing to confirm this charge ; he was always up betimes , his hand was never tremulous , nor did his colour change .  CHAPTER IV .  My life — childhood I can scarcely call it — went quietly for several years .  The eastern wing of the house was left unused , and rarely traversed by any but myself .  Foolish tales , of course , were told about it ; but my frequent visits found nothing to confirm them .  At night , whenever I could slip from the care of good but matter-of-fact Ann Maples , I used to wander down the long corridor , and squeeze through the iron gate now set there , half in hope and half in fear of meeting my father 'sspirit .  For such an occasion all my questions were prepared , and all the answers canvassed .  My infant mind was struggling ever to pierce the mystery which so vaguely led its life .  Years only quickened my resolve to be the due avenger , and hardened the set resolve into a fatalist 'sconviction .  My mother , always full of religious feeling , taught me daily in the Scriptures , and tried to make me pray .  But I could not take the mild teachings of the Gospel as a little child .  To me the Psalms of David , and those books of the Old Testament which recount and seem to applaud revenge , were sweeter than all the balm of Gilead ; they supplied a terse and vigorous form to my perpetual yearnings .  With a child 'simpiety , I claimed for myself the mission of the Jews against the enemies of the Lord .  The forms of prayer , which my mother taught me , I mumbled through , while looking in her gentle face , with anything but a prayerful gaze .  For my own bedside I kept a widely different form , which even now I shudder to repeat .  And yet I loved dear mother truly , and pitied her sometimes with tears ; but the shadow-love was far the deeper .  My father 'sgrave was in the churchyard of the little village which clustered and nestled beyond our lodge .  It was a real grave .  The thought of lying in a vault had always been loathsome to him , and he said that it struck him cold .  So fond was he of air and light and freedom , the change of seasons and weather , and the shifting of the sun and stars , that he used to pray that they still might pass over his buried head ; that he might lie , not in the dark lockers of death , but in the open hand of time .  His friends used to think it strange that a man of so light and festive nature should ever talk of death ; yet so he often did , not morbidly , but with good cheer .  In pursuance , therefore , of his well-known wish , the vaults wherein there lay five centuries of Vaughan dust were not opened for him ; neither was his grave built over with a hideous ash-bin ; but lay narrow , fair , and humble , with a plain , low headstone of the whitest marble , bearing his initials deeply carved in grey .  Through our warm love and pity , and that of all the village , and not in mere compliance with an old usage of the western counties , his simple bed was ever green and white with the fairest of low flowers .  Though otherwise too moody and reckless to be a gardener , I loved to rear from seed his favourite plants , and keep them in my room until they blossomed ; then I would set them carefully along his grave , and lie down beside it , and wonder whether his spirit took pleasure in them .  But more often , it must be owned , I laid a darker tribute there .  The gloomy channel into which my young mind had been forced was overhung , as might be expected , by a sombre growth .  The legends of midnight spirits , and the tales of blackest crime , shed their poison on me .  From the dust of the library I exhumed all records of the most famous atrocities , and devoured them at my father 'sgrave .  As yet I was too young to know what grief it would cause to him who slept there , could he but learn what his only child was doing .  That knowledge would at once have checked me , for his presence was ever with me , and his memory cast my thoughts , as moonlight shapes the shadows .  The view from the churchyard was a lovely English scene .  What higher praise can I give than this ?  Long time a wanderer in foreign parts , nothing have I seen that comes from nature to the heart like a true English landscape .  The little church stood back on a quiet hill , which bent its wings in a gentle curve to shelter it from the north and east .  These bending wings were feathered , soft as down , with , larches , hawthorn , and the lightly-pencilled birch , between which , here and there , the bluff rocks stood their ground .  Southward , and beyond the glen , how fair a spread of waving country we could see !  To the left , our pretty lake , all clear and calm , gave back the survey of the trees , until a bold gnoll , fringed with alders , led it out of sight .  Far away upon the right , the Severn stole along its silver road , leaving many a reach and bend , which caught towards eventide the notice of the travelled sun .  Upon the horizon might be seen at times , the blue distance of the Brecon hills .  Often when I sat here all alone , and the evening dusk came on , although I held those volumes on my lap , I could not but forget the murders and the revenge of men , the motives , form , and evidence of crime , and nurse a vague desire to dream my life away .  Sometimes also my mother would come here , to read her favourite Gospel of St. John .  Then I would lay the dark records on the turf , and sit with my injury hot upon me , wondering at her peaceful face .  While , for her sake , I rejoiced to see the tears of comfort and contentment dawning in her eyes , I never grieved that the soft chastenment was not shed on me .  For her I loved and admired it ; for myself I scorned it utterly .  The same clear sunshine was upon us both : we both were looking on the same fair scene — the gold of ripening corn , the emerald of woods and pastures , the crystal of the lake and stream ; above us both the peaceful heaven was shed , and the late distress was but a night gone by — wherefore had it left to one the dew of life , to the other a thunderbolt ?  I knew not the reason then , but now I know it well .  Although my favourite style of literature was not likely to improve the mind , or yield that honeyed melancholy which some young ladies woo , to me it did but little harm .  My will was so bent upon one object , and the whole substance and shape of my thoughts so stanch in their sole ductility thereto , that other things went idly by me , if they showed no power to promote my end .  But upon palpable life , and the doings of nature I became observant beyond my age .  Things in growth or motion round me impressed themselves on my senses , as if a nerve were touched .  The uncoiling of a fern-frond , the shrinking of a bind-weed blossom , the escape of a cap-pinched bud , the projection of a seed , or the sparks from a fading tuberose , in short , the lighter prints of Nature 'ssandalled foot , were traced and counted by me .  Not that I derived a maiden pleasure from them , as happy persons do , but that it seemed my business narrowly to heed them .  As for the proud phenomena of imperial man , so far as they yet survive the crucible of convention — the lines where cunning crouches , the smile that is but a brain-flash , the veil let down across the wide mouth of greed , the guilt they try to make volatile in charity , — all these I was not old and poor enough to learn .  Yet I marked unconsciously the traits of individuals , the mannerism , the gesture , and the mode of speech , the complex motive , and the underflow of thought .  So all I did , and all I dreamed , had one colour and one aim .  My education , it is just to say , was neglected by no one but myself .  My father 'slove of air and heaven had descended to me , and nothing but my mother 'sprayers or my own dark quest could keep me in the house .  Abstract principles and skeleton dogmas I could never grasp ; but whatever was vivid and shrewd and native , whatever had point and purpose , was seized by me and made my own .  My faculties were not large , but steadfast now , and concentrated .  Though several masters tried their best , and my governess did all she could , I chose to learn but little .  Drawing and music ( to soothe my mother ) were my principal studies .  Of poetry I took no heed , except in the fierce old drama .  Enough of this .  I have said so much , not for my sake , but for my story .  CHAPTER V.  On the fifth anniversary of my father 'sdeath , when I was fifteen years of age , I went to visit ( as I always did upon that day ) the fatal room .  Although this chamber had been so long unused , the furniture was allowed to remain ; and I insisted passionately that it should be my charge .  What had seemed the petulance of a child was now the strong will of a thoughtful girl .  I took the key from my bosom , where I always kept it , and turned it in the lock .  No mortal had entered that door since I passed it in my last paroxysm , three weeks and a day before .  I saw a cobweb reaching from the black finger-plate to the third mould of the beading .  The weather had been damp , and the door stuck fast to the jamb , then yielded with a crack .  Though I was bold that day , and in a mood of triumph , some awe fell on me as I entered .  There hung the heavy curtain , last drawn by the murderer 'shand ; there lay the bed-clothes , raised for the blow , and replaced on death ; and there was the pillow where sleep had been so prolonged .  All these I saw with a forced and fearful glance , and my breath stood still as the wind in a grave .  Presently a light cloud floated off the sun , and a white glare from the snow of the morning burst across the room .  My sight was not so dimmed with tears as it generally was when I stood there , for I had just read the history of a long-hidden crime detected , and my eyes were full of fierce hope .  But stricken soon to the wonted depth of sadness , with the throbs of my heart falling like the avenger 'sstep , I went minutely through my death-inspection .  I felt all round the dusty wainscot , opened the wardrobes and cupboards , raised the lids of the deep-bayed window-seats , peered shuddering down the dark closet , where I believed the assassin had lurked , started and stared at myself in the mirror , to see how lone and wan I looked , and then approached the bed , to finish my search in the usual place , by lying and sobbing where my father died .  I had glanced beneath it and round the pillars , and clutched the curtain as if to squeeze out the truth , and was just about to throw myself on the coverlet and indulge the fit so bitterly held at bay , when something on the hangings above the head-board stopped me suddenly .  There I saw a narrow line of deep and glowing red .  It grew so vivid on the faded damask , and in the white glare of the level sun , that I thought it was on fire .  Hastily setting a chair by the pillar , for I would not tread on that bed , I leaped up , and closely examined the crimson vein .  Without thinking , I knew what it was — the heart-blood of my father .  There were three distinct and several marks , traced by the reeking dagger .  The first on the left , which had caught my glance , was the broadest and clearest to read .  Two lines , meeting at a right angle , rudely formed a Roman L .  Rudely I say , for the poniard had been too rich in red ink , which had clotted where the two strokes met .  The second letter was a Roman D , formed also by two bold strokes , the upright very distinct , the curve less easily traced at the top , but the lower part deep and clear .  The third letter was not so plain .  It looked like C at first , but upon further examination I felt convinced that it was meant for an O , left incomplete through the want of more writing fluid ; or was it then that my mother had seized the dark author by the hair , as he stooped to incline his pen that the last drop might trickle down ?  Deciphering thus with fingers and eyes , I traced these letters of blood , one by one , over and over again , till they danced in my gaze like the northern lights .  I stood upon tiptoe and kissed them ; I cared not what I was doing : it was my own father 'sblood , and I thought of the heart it came from , not of the hand which shed it .  When I turned away , the surprise , for which till then I had found no time , broke full upon me .  How could these letters , in spite of all my vigilance , so long have remained unseen ?  Why did the murderer peril his life yet more by staying to write the record , and seal perhaps the conviction of his deed ?  And what did these characters mean ?  Of these three questions , the first was readily solved .  The other two remained to me as new shadows of wonder .  Several causes had conspired to defer so long this discovery .  In the first place , the damask had been of rich lilac , shot with a pile of carmine , which , in the waving play of light , glossed at once and obscured the crimson stain , until the fading hues of art left in strong contrast nature 'sabiding paint .  Secondly , my rapid growth and the clearness of my eyes that day lessened the distance and favoured perception .  Again — and this was perhaps the paramount cause — the winter sun , with rays unabsorbed by the snow , threw his sheer dint upon that very spot , keen , level , and uncoloured — a thing which could happen on few days in the year , and for few minutes each day , and which never had happened during my previous search .  Perhaps there was also some chemical action of the rays of light which evoked as well as showed the colour ; but of this I do not know enough to speak .  Suffice it that the letters were there , at first a great shock and terror , but soon a strong encouragement to me .  My course was at once to perpetuate the marks and speculate upon them at leisure , for I knew not how fleeting they might be .  I hurried downstairs , and speaking to no one procured some clear tissue paper .  Applying this to the damask , and holding a card behind , I carefully traced with a pencil so much of the letters as could be perceived through the medium , and completed the sketch by copying most carefully the rest ; It was , however , beyond my power to keep my hand from trembling .  A shade flitted over my drawing — oh , how my heart leaped !  When I had finished the pencil-sketch , and before it was inked over ( for I could not bring myself to paint it red ) , I knelt where my father died and thanked God for this guidance to me .  By the time I had dried my eyes the sun was passed and the lines of blood were gone , even though I knew where to seek them , having left a pin in the damask .  By measuring I found that the letters were just three feet and a quarter above the spot where my father 'shead had been .  The largest of them , the L , was three inches long and an eighth of an inch in width ; the others were nearly as long , but nothing like so wide .  Trembling now , for the rush of passion which stills the body was past , and stepping silently on the long silent floor , I went to the deep dark-mullioned window and tried to look forth .  After all my lone tumult , perhaps I wanted to see the world .  But my jaded eyes and brain showed only the same three letters burning on the snow and sky .  Evening , a winter evening , was fluttering down .  The sun was spent and stopped by a grey mist , and the landscape full of dreariness and cold .  For miles , the earth lay white and wan , with nothing to part life from death .  No step was on the snow , no wind among the trees ; fences , shrubs , and hillocks were as wrinkles in a winding-sheet , and every stark branch had like me its own cold load to carry .  But on the left , just in sight from the gable-window , was a spot , black as midnight , in the billowy snow .  It was the spring which had stored for me the footprints .  Perhaps I was superstitious then ; the omen was accepted .  Suddenly a last gleam from the dauntless sun came through the ancient glass , and flung a crimson spot upon my breast .  It was the red heart , centre of our shield , won with Coeur de Lion .  Oh scutcheons , blazonments , and other gewgaws , by which men think to ennoble daylight murders , how long shall fools account it honour to be tattooed with you ?  Mercy , fellow-feeling , truth , humility , virtues that never flap their wings , but shrink lest they should know they stoop , what have these won ?  Gaze sinister , and their crest a pillory .  With that red pride upon my breast , and that black heart within , and my young form stately with revenge , I was a true descendant of Crusaders .  CHAPTER VI .  To no one , not even to Thomas Kenwood ( in whom I confided most ) , did I impart the discovery just described .  Again and again I went to examine those letters , jealous at once of my secret , and fearful lest they should vanish .  But though they remained perhaps unaltered , they never appeared so vivid as on that day .  With keener interest I began once more to track , from page to page , from volume to volume , the chronicled steps of limping but sure-footed justice .  Not long after this I was provided with a companion .  " Clara , " said my guardian one day at breakfast , " you live too much alone .  Have you any friends in the neighbourhood ?  "  " None in the world , except my mother .  "  " Well , I must try to survive the exclusion .  I have done my best .  But your mother has succeeded in finding a colleague .  There 'sa cousin of yours coming here very soon .  "  " Mother dear , " I cried in some surprise , " you never told me that you had any nieces .  "  " Neither have I , my darling , " she replied , " nor any nephews either ; but your uncle has ; and I hope you will like your visitor .  "  " Now remember , Clara , " resumed my guardian , " it is no wish of mine that you should do so .  To me it is a matter of perfect indifference ; but your mother and myself agreed that a little society would do you good .  "  " When is she to come ?  " I asked , in high displeasure that no one had consulted me .  " He is likely to be here to-morrow .  "  " Oh , " I exclaimed , " the plot is to humanize me through a young gentleman , is it ?  And how long is he to stay in my house ?  "  " In your house !  I suppose that will depend upon your mother 'swishes .  "  " More likely upon yours , " I cried ; " but it matters little to me .  "  He said nothing , but looked displeased ; my mother doing the same , I was silent , and the subject dropped .  But of course I saw that he wished me to like his new importation , while he dissembled the wish from knowledge of my character .  Two years after my father 'sbirth , his father had married again .  Of the second wedlock the only offspring was my guardian , Edgar Vaughan .  He was a posthumous son , and his mother in turn contracted a second marriage .  Her new husband was one Stephen Daldy , a merchant of some wealth .  By him she left one son , named Lawrence , and several daughters .  This Lawrence Daldy , my guardian 'shalf-brother , proved a spendthrift , and , while scattering the old merchant 'streasure married a fashionable adventuress .  As might be expected , no retrenchment ensued , and he died in poverty , leaving an only child .  This boy , Clement Daldy , was of my own age , or thereabout , and , in pursuance of my guardian 'splan , was to live henceforth with us .  He arrived under the wing of his mother , and his character consisted in the absence of any .  If he had any quality at all by which one could know him from a doll , it was perhaps vanity ; and if his vanity was singular enough to have any foundation , it could be only in his good looks .  He was , I believe , as pretty a youth as ever talked without mind , or smiled without meaning .  Need it be said that I despised him at once unfathomably ?  His mother was of a very different order .  Long-enduring , astute , and plausible , with truth no more than the pith of a straw , she added thereto an imperious spirit , embodied just now in an odious meekness .  Whatever she said or did , in her large contempt of the world , her lady-abbess walk , and the chastened droop of her brilliant eyes , she conveyed through it all the impression of her humble superiority .  Though profoundly convinced that all is vanity , she was reluctant to force this conviction on minds of a narrower scope , and dissembled with conscious grace her knowledge of human nature .  To a blunt , outspoken child , what could be more disgusting ?  But when upon this was assumed an air of deep pity for my ignorance , and interest in my littleness , it became no longer bearable .  This Christian Jezebel nearly succeeded in estranging my mother from me .  The latter felt all that kindness towards her which people of true religion , when over-charitable , conceive towards all who hoist and salute the holy flag .  Our sweet pirate knew well how to make the most of this .  For myself , though I felt that a hypocrite is below the level of hate , I could not keep my composure when with affectionate blandness our visitor dared to " discharge her sacred duty of impressing on me the guilt of harbouring thoughts of revenge .  " Of course , she did not attempt it in the presence of my mother ; but my guardian was there , and doubtless knew her intention .  It was on a Sunday after the service , and she had stayed for the sacrament .  " My sweet child , " she began , " you will excuse what I am about to say , as I only speak for your good , and from a humble sense that it is the path of duty .  It has pleased God , in His infinite wisdom , to afflict your dear mother with a melancholy so sensitive , that she cannot bear any allusion to your deeply-lamented father .  You have therefore no female guidance upon a subject which justly occupies so much of your thoughts .  Your uncle Edgar , in his true affection for you , has thought it right that you should associate more with persons calculated to develop your mind .  "  Now I hate that word " develop ; " and I felt my passion rising , but let her go on : —  " Under these circumstances , it grieves me deeply , my poor dear child , to find you still display a perversity , and a wilful neglect of the blessed means of grace , which must ( humanly speaking ) draw down a judgment upon you .  Now , open your heart to me , the whole of your little unregenerate heart , you mysterious but ( I firmly believe ) not ill-disposed lambkin .  Tell me all your thoughts , your broodings , your dreams — in fact , your entire experiences .  Uncle Edgar will leave the room , if you wish it .  "  " Certainly not , " I said .  " Quite right , my dear ; have no secrets from one who has been your second father .  Now tell me all your little troubles .  Make me your mother-confessor .  I take the deepest interest in you .  True , I am only a weak and sinful woman , but my chastisements have worked together for my edification , and God has been graciously pleased to grant me peace of mind .  "  " You do n't look as if you had much , " I cried .  Her large eyes flashed a quick start from their depths , like the stir of a newly-fathomed sea .  My guardian 'sface gleamed with a smile of sly amusement .  Recovering at once her calm objective superiority , she proceeded :  " I have been troubled and chastened severely , but now I perceive that it was all for the best .  But perhaps it is not very graceful to remind me of that .  Yet , since all my trials have worked together for my good , on that account I am , under Providence , better qualified to advise you , in your dark and perilous state .  I have seen much of what thoughtless people call 'life .  ' But in helping you , I wish to proceed on higher principles than those of the world .  You possess , beyond question , a strong and resolute will , but in your present benighted course it can lead only to misery .  Now , what is the principal aim of your life , my love ?  "  " The death of my father 'smurderer .  "  " Exactly so .  My unhappy child , I knew it too well .  Though a dark sin is your leading star , I feel too painfully my own shortcomings , and old unregenerate tendencies , to refuse you my carnal sympathy .  You know my feelings , Edgar .  "  " Indeed , Eleanor , " replied my guardian , with an impenetrable smile , " how should I ?  You have always been such a model of every virtue .  "  She gave him a glance , and again addressed me .  " Now suppose , Clara Vaughan , that , after years of brooding and lonely anguish , you obtain your revenge at last , who will be any the better for it ?  "  " My father and I .  "  " Your father indeed !  How you wrong his sweet and most forgiving nature !  "  This was the first thing she had said that touched me ; and that because I had often thought of it before .  But I would not let her see it .  " Though his nature were an angel 's, " I cried , " as I believe it was , never could he forgive that being who tore him from me and my mother .  I know that he watches me now , and must be cold and a wanderer , until I have done my duty to him and myself .  "  " You awful child .  Why , you 'llfrighten us all .  But you make it the more my duty .  Come with me now , and let me inculcate the doctrines of a higher and holier style .  "  " Thank you , Mrs. Daldy , I want no teaching , except my mother 's.  "  " You are too wilful and headstrong for her .  Come to me , my poor stray lamb .  "  " I would sooner go to a butcher , Mrs. Daldy .  "  " Is it possible ?  Are you so lost to all sense of right ?  "  " Yes , if you are right , " I replied ; and left the room .  Thenceforth she pursued tactics of another kind .  She tried me with flattery and fictitious confidence , likely from a woman of her maturity to win a young girl , by inflating self-esteem : she even feigned a warm interest in my search , and wished to partake in my readings and secret musings .  Indeed , I could seldom escape her .  I am ready to own that , by her suggestions and quick apprehension , she gained some ascendancy over me , but not a tenth part of what she thought she had won ; and I still continued to long for her departure .  Of this , however , no symptom appeared : she made herself quite at home , and did her best to become indispensable to my mother .  Clement Daldy had full opportunity to commend himself to my favour .  We were constantly thrown together , in the presence of his mother , and the absence of mine .  For a long time , I was too young , and too much engrossed by the object for which I lived , to have any inkling of their scheme ; but suddenly a suspicion broke upon me .  My guardian and his sister-in-law had formed , as I thought , a deliberate plot for marrying me , when old enough , to that tailor 'sblock .  The one had been so long accustomed to the lordship of the property , to some county influence , and great command of money , that it was not likely he would forego the whole without a struggle .  But he knew quite well that the moment I should be of age I would dispense with his wardship , and even with his residence there , and devote all I had to the pursuit of my " monomania .  " All his endeavours to make me his thrall had failed , partly from my suspicions , partly from a repugnance which could not be conquered .  Of course , I intended to give him an ample return for his stewardship , which had been wise and unwearying .  But this was not what he wanted .  The motives of his accomplice require no explanation .  If once this neat little scheme should succeed , I must remain in their hands , Clement being nobody , until they should happen to quarrel for me .  To show what Clement Daldy was , a brief anecdote is enough .  When we were about sixteen years old , we sat in the park one morning , at the corner of the lake ; Clement 'slittle curled spaniel , which he loved as much as he could love anything , was gambolling round us .  As the boy lounged along , half asleep , on the rustic chair , with his silky face shaded by a broad hat , and his bright curls glistening like daffodils playing , I thought what a pretty peep-show he made , and wondered whether he could anyhow be the owner of a soul .  " Oh , Clara , " he lisped , as he chanced to look up — " Couthin Clara , I wish you would n't look at me tho .  "  " And did it look fierce at its dolly ?  " I said ; for I was always good-natured to him .  " Dolly knows I would n't hurt it , for it 'shouse full of sugar-plums .  "  " Then do let me go to thleep ; you are such a howwid girl .  "  So I hushed him off with a cradle song .  But before the long lashes sunk flat on his cheeks , like the ermine tips on my muff , and while his red lips yet trembled like cherries in the wind , my attention was suddenly drawn to the lake .  There was a plashing , and barking , and hissing , and napping of snow-white wings — poor Juan engaged in unequal combat with two fierce swans who had a nest on the island .  The poor little dog , though he fought most gallantly , was soon driven into deep water , and the swans kept knocking him under with rapid and powerful strokes .  Seeing him almost drowned , I called Clement to save him at once .  " I ca n't , " said the brave youth ; " you go if you like .  They 'llkill me , and I ca n't bear it ; and the water ith tho cold .  "  In a moment I pushed off the boat which was near , jumped into it , and , seizing an oar , contrived to beat back the swans , and lifted the poor little dog on board , gasping , half-drowned , and woefully beaten .  Meanwhile my lord elect had leaped on the seat for safety , and was wringing his white little hands , and dancing and crying , " Oh , Clara 'llbe throwned , and they 'llsay it was me .  Oh , what thall I do !  what thall I do !  "  Even when I brought him his little pet safe , he would not touch him , because he was wet ; so I laid him full on his lap .  CHAPTER VII .  The spring of the year 1849 was remarkable , throughout the western counties , for long drought .  I know not how it may be in the east of England , but I have observed that in the west long droughts occur only in the spring and early summer .  In the autumn we have sometimes as much as six weeks without rain , and in the summer a month at most , but all the real droughts ( so far as my experience goes ) commence in February or March ; these are , however , so rare , and April has won such poetic fame for showers , and July for heat and dryness , that what I state is at variance with the popular impression .  Be that as it may , about Valentine's-day , 1849 , and after a length of very changeable weather , the wind fixed its home in the east , and the sky for a week was grey and monotonous .  Brilliant weather ensued ; white frost at night , and strong sun by day .  The frost became less biting as the year went on , and the sun more powerful ; there were two or three overcast days , and people hoped for rain .  But no rain fell , except one poor drizzle , more like dew than rain .  With habits now so ingrained as to become true pleasures , I marked the effects of the drought on all the scene around me .  The meadows took the colour of Russian leather , the cornlands that of a knife-board .  The young leaves of the wood hung pinched and crisp , unable to shake off their tunics , and more like catkins than leaves .  The pools went low and dark and thick with a coppery scum ( in autumn it would have been green ) , and little bubbles came up and popped where the earth cracked round the sides .  The tap-rooted plants looked comely and brave in the morning , after their drink of dew , but flagged and flopped in the afternoon , as a clubbed cabbage does .  As for those which had only the surface to suck , they dried by the acre , and powdered away like the base of a bonfire .  The ground was hard as horn , and fissured in stars , and angles , and jagged gaping cracks , like a dissecting map or a badly-plastered wall .  It amused me sometimes to see a beetle suddenly cut off from his home by that which to him was an earthquake .  How he would run to and fro , look doubtfully into the dark abyss , then , rising to the occasion , bridge his road with a straw .  The snails shrunk close in their shells , and resigned themselves to a spongy distance of slime .  The birds might be seen in the morning , hopping over the hollows of the shrunken ponds , prying for worms , which had shut themselves up like caddises deep in the thirsty ground .  Our lake , which was very deep at the lower end , became a refuge for all the widgeons and coots and moorhens of the neighbourhood , and the quick-diving grebe , and even the summer snipe , with his wild and lonely " cheep .  " The brink of the water was feathered , and dabbled with countless impressions of feet of all sorts — dibbers , and waders , and wagtails , and weasels , and otters , and foxes , and the bores of a thousand bills , and muscles laid high and dry .  For my own pet robins I used to fill pans with water along the edge of the grass , for I knew their dislike of the mineral spring ( which never went dry ) , and to these they would fly down and drink , and perk up their impudent heads , and sluice their poor little dusty wings ; and then , as they could not sing now , they would give me a chirp of gratitude .  When the drought had lasted about three months , the east wind , which till then had been cold and creeping , became suddenly parching hot .  Arid and heavy , and choking , it panted along the glades , like a dog on a dusty road .  It came down the water-meadows , where the crowsfoot grew , and wild celery , and it licked up the dregs of the stream , and powdered the flood-gates , all skeletons now , with grey dust .  It came through the copse , and the young leaves shrunk before it , like a child from the hiss of a snake .  The blast pushed the doors of our house , and its dry wrinkled hand was laid on the walls and the staircase and woodwork ; a hot grime tracked its steps , and a taint fell on all that was fresh .  As it folded its baleful wings , and lay down like a desert dragon , vegetation , so long a time sick , gave way at last to despair , and flagged off flabbed and dead .  The clammy grey dust , like hot sand thrown from ramparts , ate to the core of everything , choking the shrivelled pores and stifling the languid breath .  Old gaffers were talking of murrain in cattle , and famine and plague among men , and farmers were too badly off to grumble .  But the change even now was at hand .  The sky which had long presented a hard and cloudless blue , but trailing a light haze round its rim in the morning , was bedimmed more every day with a white scudding vapour across it .  The sun grew larger and paler , and leaned more on the heavens , which soon became ribbed with white skeleton-clouds ; and these in their turn grew softer and deeper , then furry and ravelled and wisped .  One night the hot east wind dropped , and , next morning ( though the vane had not changed ) , the clouds drove heavily from the south-west .  But these signs of rain grew for several days before a single drop fell ; as is always the case after discontinuance , it was hard to begin again .  Indeed , the sky was amassed with black clouds , and the dust went swirling like a mat beaten over the trees , and the air became cold , and the wind moaned three days and three nights , and yet no rain fell .  As old Whitehead , the man at the lodge , well observed , it had " forgotten the way to rain .  " Then it suddenly cleared one morning ( the 28th of May ) , and the west was streaked with red clouds , that came up to crow at the sun , and the wind for the time was lulled , and the hills looked close to my hand .  So I went to my father 'sgrave without the little green watering-pot or a trowel to fill the chinks , for I knew it would rain that very day .  In the eastern shrubbery there was a pond , which my father had taken much trouble to make and adorn ; it was not fed by the mineral spring , for that was thought likely to injure the fish , but by a larger and purer stream , called the " Witches 'brook , " which , however , was now quite dry .  This pond had been planted around and through with silver-weed , thrumwort and sun-clew , water-lilies , arrow-head , and the rare double frog-bit , and other aquatic plants , some of them brought from a long distance .  At one end there was a grotto , cased with fantastic porous stone , and inside it a small fountain played .  But now the fountain was silent , and the pond shrunk almost to its centre .  The silver eels which once had abounded here , finding their element likely to fail , made a migration , one dewy night , overland to the lake below .  The fish , in vain envy of that great enterprise , huddled together in the small wet space which remained , with their back-fins here and there above water .  When any one came near , they dashed away , as I have seen grey mullet do in the shallow sea-side pools .  Several times I had water poured in for their benefit , but it was gone again directly .  The mud round the edge of the remnant puddle was baked and cracked , and foul with an oozy green sludge , the relic of water-weeds .  This little lake , once so clear and pretty , and full of bright dimples and crystal shadows , now looked so forlorn and wasted and old , like a bright eye worn dim with years , and the trees stood round it so faded and wan , the poplar unkempt of its silver and green , the willow without wherewithal to weep , and the sprays of the birch laid dead at its feet ; altogether it looked so empty and sad and piteous , that I had been deeply grieved for the sake of him who had loved it .  So , when the sky clouded up again , in the afternoon of that day , I hastened thither to mark the first effects of the rain .  As I reached the white shell-walk , which loosely girt the pond , the lead-coloured sky took a greyer and woollier cast , and overhead became blurred and pulpy ; while round the horizon it lifted in frayed festoons .  As I took my seat in the grotto , the big drops began to patter among the dry leaves , and the globules rolled in the dust , like parched peas .  A long hissing sound ensued , and a cloud of powder went up , and the trees moved their boughs with a heavy dull sway .  Then broke from the laurels the song of the long-silent thrush , and reptiles , and insects , and all that could move , darted forth to rejoice in the freshness .  The earth sent forth that smell of sweet newness , the breath of young nature awaking , which reminds us of milk , and of clover , of balm , and the smile of a child .  But , most of all , it was in and around the pool that the signs of new life were stirring .  As the circles began to jostle , and the bubbles sailed closer together , the water , the slime , and the banks , danced , flickered , and darkened , with a whirl of living creatures .  The surface was brushed , as green corn is flawed by the wind , with the quivering dip of swallows 'wings ; and the ripples that raced to the land splashed over the feet of the wagtails .  Here , as I marked all narrowly , and seemed to rejoice in their gladness , a sudden new wonder befell me .  I was watching a monster frog emerge from his penthouse of ooze , and lift with some pride his brown spots and his bright golden throat from the matted green cake of dry weed , when a quick gleam shot through the fibres .  With a listless curiosity , wondering whether the frog , like his cousin the toad , were a jeweller , I advanced to the brim of the pool .  The poor frog looked timidly at me with his large starting eyes ; then , shouldering off the green coil , made one rapid spring , and was safe in the water .  But his movement had further disclosed some glittering object below .  Determined to know what it was , despite the rain , I placed some large pebbles for steps , ran lightly , and lifted the weed .  Before me lay , as bright as if polished that day , with the jewelled hilt towards me , a long narrow dagger .  With a haste too rapid for thought to keep up , I snatched it , and rushed to the grotto .  There , in the drought of my long revenge , with eyes on fire , and teeth set hard and dry , and every root of my heart cleaving and crying to heaven for blood , I pored on that weapon , whose last sheath had been — how well I knew what .  I did not lift it towards God , nor fall on my knees and make a theatrical vow ; for that there was no necessity .  But for the moment my life and my soul seemed to pass along that cold blade , just as my father 'shad done .  A treacherous , blue , three-cornered blade , with a point as keen as a viper 'sfang , sublustrous like ice in the moonlight , sleuth as hate , and tenacious as death .  To my curdled and fury-struck vision it seemed to writhe in the gleam of the storm which played along it like a corpse-candle .  I fancied how it had quivered and rung to find itself deep in that heart .  My passions at length overpowered me , and I lay , how long I know not , utterly insensible .  When I came to myself again , the storm had passed over , the calm pool covered my stepping stones , the shrubs and trees wept joy in the moonlight , the nightingales sang in the elms , healing and beauty were in the air , peace and content walked abroad on the earth .  The May moon slept on the water before me , and streamed through the grotto arch ; but there it fell cold and ghost-like upon the tool of murder .  Over this I hastily flung my scarf ; coward , perhaps I was , for I could not handle it then , but fled to the house and dreamed in my lonely bed .  When I examined the dagger next day , I found it to be of foreign fabric .  " Ferrati , Bologna , " the name and abode of the maker , as I supposed , was damascened on the hilt .  A cross , like that on the footprint , but smaller , and made of gold , was inlaid on the blade , just above the handle .  The hilt itself was wreathed with a snake of green enamel , having garnet eyes .  From the fine temper of the metal , or some annealing process , it showed not a stain of rust , and the blood which remained after writing the letters before described had probably been washed off by the water .  I laid it most carefully by , along with my other relics , in a box which I always kept locked .  So God , as I thought , by His sun , and His seasons , and weather , and the mind He had so prepared , was holding the clue for me , and shaking it clear from time to time , along my dark and many-winding path .  CHAPTER VIII .  Soon after this , a ridiculous thing occurred , the consequences of which were grave enough .  The summer and autumn after that weary drought were rather wet and stormy .  One night towards the end of October , it blew a heavy gale after torrents of rain .  Going to the churchyard next day , I found , as I had expected , that the flowers so carefully kept through the summer were shattered and strewn by the tempest ; and so I returned to the garden for others to plant in their stead .  My cousin Clement ( as he was told to call himself ) came sauntering towards me among the beds .  His usual look of shallow brightness and empty self-esteem had failed him for the moment , and he looked like a fan-tailed pigeon who has tumbled down the horse-rack .  He followed me to and fro , with a sort of stuttering walk , as I chose the plants I liked best ; but I took little notice of him , for such had been my course since I first discovered their scheme .  At last , as I stooped to dig up a white verbena , he came behind me , and began his errand with more than his usual lisp .  This I shall not copy , as it is not worth the trouble .  " Oh , Clara , " he said , " I want to tell you something , if you 'llonly be good-natured !  "  " Do n't you see I am busy now ?  " I replied , without turning to look .  " Wo n't it do when you have taken your curl-papers off ?  "  " Now , Clara , you know that I never use curl-papers .  My hair does n't want it .  You know it 'smuch prettier than your long waving black stuff , and it curls of its own accord , if mamma only brushes it .  But I want to tell you something particular .  "  " Well , then , be quick , for I am going away .  " And with that I stood up and confronted him .  He was scarcely so tall as myself , and his light showy dress and pink rose of a face , which seemed made to be worn in the hair , were thrown into brighter relief by my sombre apparel and earnest twilight look .  Some lurking sense of this contrast seemed to add to his hesitation .  At last he began again :  " You know , Cousin Clara , you must not be angry with me , because it is n't my fault .  "  " What is not your fault ?  "  " Why , that I should fall — what do they call it ?  — fall in love , I suppose .  "  " You fall in love , you dissolute doll !  How dare you fall in love , sir , without my leave ?  "  " Well , I was afraid to ask you , Clara .  I could n't tell what you would say .  "  " Oh , that must depend , of course , on who Mrs. Doll is to be !  If it 'sa good little thing with blue satin arms , and a sash and a slip , and pretty blue eyes that go with a string , perhaps I 'llforgive you , poor child , and set you up with a house , and a tea-set , and a mother-of-pearl perambulator .  "  " Now , do n't talk nonsense , " he answered .  " Before long I shall be a man , and then you 'llbe afraid of me , and put up your hands , and shriek , and want me to kiss you .  "  I had indulged him too much , and his tongue was taking liberties .  I soon stopped him .  " How dare you bark at me , you wretched little white-woolled nursery dog ?  "  I left him , and went with my basket of flowers along the path to the churchyard .  For a while he stood there frightened , till his mother looked forth from the drawing-room window .  Between the two fears he chose the less , and followed me to my father 'sgrave .  I stood there and angrily waved him back , but he still persisted , though trembling .  " Cousin Clara , " he said — and his lisp was quite gone , and he tried to be in a passion — " Cousin Clara , you shall hear what I have got to say .  You have lived with me now a long time , and I 'msure we have agreed very well , and I — I — no , I do n't see why we should not be married .  "  " Do n't you indeed , sir ?  "  " Perhaps , " he continued , " you are afraid that I do n't care about you .  Really now , I often think that you would be very good-looking , if you would only laugh now and then , and leave off those nasty black gowns ; and then if you would only leave off being so grand , and mysterious , and stately , and getting up so early , I would let you do as you liked , and you might paint me and have a lock of my hair .  "  " Clement Daldy , " I asked , " do you see that lake ?  "  " Yes , " he replied , turning pale , and inclined to fly .  " There 'swater enough there now .  If you ever dare again to say one word like this to me , or even to show by your looks that you think it , I 'lltake you and drown you there , as sure as my father lies here .  "  He slunk away quickly without a word , and could eat no lunch that day .  In the afternoon , as I sat in my favourite bow-window seat , Mrs. Daldy glided in .  She had put on with care her clinging smile , as she would an Indian shawl .  I thought how much better her face would have looked with its natural , bold , haughty gaze .  " My dear Clara , " began this pious tidewaiter , " what have you done to vex so your poor cousin Clement ?  "  " Only this , Mrs. Daldy : he was foolish or mad , and I gave him advice in a truly Christian spirit , entirely for his own good .  "  " I hope , my dear , that some day it may be his duty as well as his privilege to advise you .  But , of course , you need not take his advice .  My Clara loves her own way as much as any girl I ever knew ; and with poor Clement she will be safe to have it .  "  " No doubt of that , " I replied .  " And then , my pet , you will be in a far better position than you could attain as an unmarried girl to pursue the great aim of your life ; so far , I mean , as is not inconsistent with the spirit of Christian forgiveness .  Your guardian has thought of that , in effecting this arrangement ; and I trust that I was not wrong in allowing so fair a prospect , under Providence , of your ultimate peace of mind to influence me considerably when he sought my consent .  "  " I am sure I am much obliged to you .  "  " I cannot conceal from you , so clear-sighted as you are — and if I could , I object to concealment of any kind , on principle — that there are also certain worldly advantages , which are not without weight , however the heart be weaned by trials and chastened from transient things .  And your guardian has this arrangement so very much at heart .  My own dear child , I have felt for you so long that I love you as a daughter .  How thankful I ought to be to the Giver of all good things to have you really my own dear child .  "  " Be thankful , madam , when you have got it .  This is a good thing which under Providence you must learn to do without .  "  It was coarse of me to hint at my riches .  But what could I do with her ?  " Why , Clara , " she asked , in great amazement , " you cannot be so foolish and wilful as to throw away this chance of revenge ?  If only for your dear mother 'ssake , as well as your father 's, it is the path of duty .  Let me tell you , both she and yourself are very much more in your guardian 'spower than you have any idea .  And what would be your poor father 'swish , who has left you so entirely to his brother 'scare and discretion ?  Will you put off for ever the discovery of his murderer ?  "  " My father , " I said , proudly , " would scorn me for doing a thing below him and myself .  The last of the Vaughans to be plotted away to a grocer 'sdoll !  "  It had been a trial of temper ; and contempt was too much for hypocrisy .  Through the rouge of the world , and the pearl-powder of religion , nature flushed forth on her cheek ; for she really loved her son .  She knew where to wound me the deepest .  " Is it no condescension in us that my beautiful boy should stoop to the maniac-child of a man who was stabbed — stabbed in his midnight bed — to atone , no doubt , for some low act of his own ?  "  I sprang up , and rang the bell .  Thomas Kenwood , who made a point of attending me , came at once .  I said to him , calmly and slowly :  " Allow this person one hour to pack her things .  Get a fly from the Walnut Tree Inn , and see her beyond the Lodge .  "  If I had told him to drag her away by the hair , I believe that man would have done it .  She shrunk away from me ; for the moment her spirit was quelled , and she trembled into a chair .  " I assure you , Clara , I did not mean what I said .  You provoked me so .  "  " Not one word more .  Leave the room and the house .  "  " Miss Vaughan , I will not leave this house until your guardian returns .  "  " Thomas , " I said , without looking towards her , " if Mrs. Daldy is not gone in an hour , you quit my service .  "  How Thomas Kenwood managed it , I never asked .  He was a resolute man , and all the servants obeyed him .  She turned round once , as she crossed the threshold , and gave me a look which I shall never forget .  Was such the look that had glared on my father before the blow ?  She lifted the white arm of which she was proud , and threw back her head , like the Fecial hurling his dart .  " Clara Vaughan , you shall bitterly grieve for this .  It shall throw you and your mother at the feet of your father 'smurderer , and you shall crave meat worse than your enemy 'sblood .  "  Until she had quitted the house , I could not sit down ; but went to my father 'sbedroom , where I often took refuge when strongly excited and unable to fly to his grave .  The thoughts and the memories hovering and sighing around that fatal chamber were enough to calm and allay the sensations of trivial wrong .  But now this was not the case .  The outrage offered had been , not to me , but to him who seemed present there .  The suggestion , too , of an injury done by my father , though scorned at first , was working and ruffling within me , as children put bearded corn-ears in another 'ssleeve , which by-and-by work their own way to the breast .  Till now , I had always believed that some worldly advantage or gain had impelled my foe to the deed which left me an orphan .  But that woman 'sdark words had started a new train of reasoning , whose very first motion was doubt of the man I worshipped .  Among all I had ever met , there existed but one opinion as to what he had been — a true gentleman , who had injured not one of God 'screatures , whose life had been guided mainly by the wishes and welfare of others .  Moreover , I had my own clear recollections — his voice , his eyes , and his smile , his manner and whole expression ; these , it is true , were but outward things , yet a child 'sintuition is strong and hard to refute .  Again , during my remembrance , he had never been absent from us , except for a day or two , now and then , among his county neighbours ; and any ill will which he might have incurred from them must , from his position , have become notorious .  And yet , in the teeth of this reasoning , and in spite of my own warm feeling , that horrible suspicion clave to my heart and chilled it like the black spot of mildew .  And what if the charge were true ?  In that case , how was I better than he who had always been to my mind a fiend in special commission ?  His was vengeance , and mine revenge ; he had suffered perhaps a wanton wrong , as deep to his honour as mine to my love .  While I was brooding thus miserably , my eyes fell upon the bed .  There were the red streaks , grained and fibred like the cross-cut of a fern-stalk ; framed and looking down on me , the sampler of my life .  Drawing near , I trembled with an unknown awe , to find myself in that lonely presence , not indeed thinking , but inkling such things of my father , my own darling father , whose blood was looking at me .  In a storm of self-loathing and sorrow , I knelt there and sobbed my atonement ; but never thenceforth could I wholly bar out the idea .  Foul ideas when once admitted will ever return on their track , as the cholera walks in the trail of its former pall .  But instead of abating my dogged pursuit , I now had a new incentive — to dispel the aspersions cast on my father 'sshadow .  CHAPTER IX .  At this particular time of my life , many things began to puzzle me , but nothing was a greater puzzle than the character of my guardian .  Morose or moody he was not , though a stranger might have thought him so ; nor could I end with the conviction that his heart was cold .  It rather seemed to me as if he felt that it ought to be so , and tried his best to settle down as the inmate of an icehouse .  But any casual flush of love , any glow of native warmth from the hearts around him , and taken by surprise he wavered for one traitor moment , and in his eyes gleamed some remembrance , like firelight upon frozen windows .  But let any one attempt to approach him then with softness , to stir kind interest and feeling into benevolent expression , and Mr. Vaughan would promptly shut himself in again , with a bar of irony , or a bolt of sarcasm .  Only to my mother was his behaviour different ; towards her his manner was so gentle , and his tone so kind , that but for my conviction that remorse lay under it , I must have come to like him .  True , they did not often meet , for dear mother confined herself ( in spite of Mrs. Daldy ) more and more closely to her own part of the house , and rarely had the spirits now to share in the meals of the family .  Therefore , I began at once to take her place , and would not listen to Mrs. Daldy 'skind offer to relieve me .  This had led quite recently to a little outbreak .  One day I had been rather late for dinner , and , entering the room with a proud apology , found to my amazement Mrs. Daldy at the head of the table .  For me a seat was placed , as for a good little girl , by the side of Master Clement .  At first I had not the presence of mind to speak , but stood by my rival 'schair , waiting for her to rise .  She affected not to understand me , and began , with her hand on the ladle , and looking me full in the face : " I fear , darling Clara , the soup is cold ; but your uncle can give you a very nice slice of salmon .  Have you offered thanks for these mercies ?  "  " Thank you , I will take soup .  Allow me to help myself .  I am sorry to have troubled you .  "  And I placed my hand on the back of her chair , presuming that she would get up ; but she never stirred one inch , and actually called for a plate to help me .  My guardian was looking at both of us , with a dry smile of amusement , and Clement began to simper and play with his fork .  — Now for it , or never , thought I .  " Mrs. Daldy , you quite mistake me , or pretend to do so .  Have the goodness to quit my chair .  "  She had presumed on my dread of an altercation before the servants , but only Thomas Henwood happened to be in the room .  Had there been a dozen present , I would still have asserted my right .  At last she rose in her stateliest manner , but with an awkward smile , and a still more awkward sneer .  " Your use , my poor child , of the possessive pronoun is far more emphatic than your good breeding is .  "  " Who cares for your opinion ?  " Not a hospitable inquiry ; but then she was not my visitor .  In grand style she marched to the door , but soon thought better of it , and came to her proper place with the sigh of a contrite spirit .  " Poor creature !  It is a rebuke to me , for my want of true faith in the efficacy of prayer .  "  And after all this , she made a most excellent dinner .  About that woman there was something of a slimy pride , no more like to upright prickly self-respect than macerated bird-lime is to the stiff bright holly .  Yet no one I ever knew possessed such wiry powers of irritation .  Whenever my mother and my guardian met , she took care to be in the way , and watched them both , and appealed to me with all her odious pantomime of sorrow , sympathy , wonder , loving superiority , and spiritual yearnings .  And all the time her noisome smile , like the smell of a snake , came over us .  She knew , and rejoiced in the knowledge , how hard set I was to endure it , and every quick flash of my eyes only lit up her unctuous glory .  For all I know , it was natural that my antipathy to that woman should , by reaction , thaw sometimes my coldness towards my uncle .  Though self-respect had at length compelled him to abandon his overtures to my friendship , now and then I detected him looking at me with a pitying regard .  In self-defence , I began to pity him , and ceased to make faces or sneer when the maids — those romantic beings — declared that he must have been crossed in love .  At this conclusion , long ago , all the servants 'hall had arrived ; and even little Tilly Jenkins , not admitted as yet to that high conclave , remarkable only for living in dust-bins , and too dirty to cause uneasiness to the under-shoeboy 'smother — even that Tilly , I say , ran up to me one morning ( when I went to see my dear pony ) and beat out her dust , and then whispered :  " Oh , please , Miss Clara , to give my very best wishes to Master .  What a terrible blight to the heart be unrequited love !  " And Tilly sighed a great cloud of brick-dust .  " Terrible , Tilly : I hope you have not fallen in love with the weeding boy !  " — a smart young lad , ten stairs at least above her .  " Me , miss ?  Do you think I would so demean myself ?  " And Tilly caught up her dust-pan arrogantly .  This little anecdote proves a fact which I never could explain , viz. that none of the servants were ever afraid of me .  To return to the straight line of history .  My guardian came home rather late that evening , and some hours after the hasty exit of Mrs. and Master Daldy .  While I was waiting in some uneasiness , it struck me that he had kept out of the way on purpose , lest he should seem too anxious about the plot .  Mrs. Daldy , as I found afterwards , had written to him from the inn , describing my " frenzied violence , and foaming Satanic fury " — perhaps I turned pale , no more — and announcing her intention to remain at Malvern , until she should be apprised whether uncle or niece were the master .  In the latter case she demanded — not that she cared for mammon , but as a humble means for the advancement of the Kingdom — the sum of 300 * l .  * ; that being the lowest salary conscience allowed her to specify for treading the furnace of affliction , to save the lost sheep of the house of Israel .  I forgot to say that , before she left the house , she had tried to obtain an interview with my mother , hoping , no doubt , to leave her in the cataleptic state .  But this had been sternly prevented by Thomas Kenwood , who performed quite a labour of love in ministering the expulsion .  All the servants hated her as a canting sneak and a spy .  That night when I received Mr. Edgar Vaughan 'sshort missive — " Clara , I wish to see you immediately in my study , " my heart began to flutter provokingly , and the long speech I had prepared flew away in shreds of rhetoric .  Not that I meant for an instant to bate one tittle of what I had done and would do : but I had never asserted my rights as yet in direct opposition to him , nor taken upon my own shoulders the guardianship of myself .  But the dreary years of dark preparation and silent welding of character had braced a sensitive , nervous nature with some little self-reliance .  With all the indifference I could muster , I entered the gloomy room , and found him leaning upon the high desk where he kept the accounts of his stewardship .  The position was chosen well .  It served at once to remind me of his official relation , and to appeal to the feelings as betokening an onerous wardship .  Of late his health had been failing him , and after every long absence from home , he returned more jaded and melancholy .  Now a few silver hairs — no more than a wife would have quickly pulled out — were glistening among his black locks ; but though he was weary and lonesome , he seemed to want none to love him , and his face wore the wonted sarcastic and travelled look .  As our glances met , we both saw that the issue was joined which should settle for life the mastery .  He began in a light and jocund manner , as if I were quite a small thing .  " Well done , Miss Clara , you are asserting yourself .  Why , you have dismissed our visitors with very scant ceremony .  "  " To be sure I have ; and will again , if they dare to come back .  "  " And do n't you think that you might have consulted your mother or me ?  '  " Most likely I should have done so , in an ordinary case .  "  " Then your guardian was meant for small matters !  But what was the wonder to-day ?  "  " No wonder at all .  Mrs. Daldy insulted my father , and I sent her out of his house .  "  " What made her insult my brother ?  "  " My refusal to marry her puppet and puppy .  "  " Clement Daldy !  Did she propose such a thing ?  She must think very highly of you !  '  " Then I think very lowly .  "  " And you declined , did you , Clara ?  "  " No. I refused .  "  " Very good .  No one shall force you ; there is plenty of time to consider the subject .  "  " One moment is too much .  "  " Clara , I have long noticed in you a rude , disrespectful , and I will say ( in spite of your birth ) a low and vulgar manner towards me , your uncle and guardian .  Once for all , I will not permit it , child .  "  " Child you call me , do you ?  Me , who am just seventeen , and have lived seven such years as I have , and no one else !  "  He answered quite calmly , and looking coldly at me :  " I never argue with women .  Much less with girls .  Mrs. Daldy comes back to-morrow .  You will beg her pardon , as becomes a young lady who has forgotten herself .  The other question may wait .  "  " I thought , sir , that you had travelled far , and in many countries .  "  The abrupt inquiry startled him , and his thoughts seemed to follow the memory .  " What if I have ?  " he asked , at length , and with a painful effort .  " Have you always found women do just what you chose ?  "  He seemed not to listen to me ; as if he were out of hearing : then laughed because I was looking at him .  " Clara , " he said , " you are an odd girl , and a Vaughan all over .  I would rather be your friend than your enemy .  If you cannot like me , at least forget your dislike of me , and remember that I am your uncle , and have tried to make you love me .  "  " And what if I do not ?  "  " Then I must keep you awhile from the management of this property .  My dear brother would have wished it , until you recover your senses ; and not an acre of it is legally yours .  "  This he said so slowly , and distinctly , and entirely without menace , that , knowing his manner , I saw it was the truth , at least in his opinion .  Strange as it may seem , I began at once to revolve , not the results of dispossession and poverty on myself , or even on my mother , but the influence which the knowledge of this new fact must have on my old suspicions , surmises , and belief .  " Will the property pass to you ?  " I asked .  " Yes , if I choose : or at any rate the bulk of it .  "  " What part will be yours ?  Do you mean to say the house ?  — "  " Never mind now .  I would rather leave things as they are , if you will only be more sensible .  "  " I will not disguise my opinions for a hundred Vaughan Parks , or a thousand Vaughan Palaces ; no , nor even to be near my father 'sbones .  "  " Very well , " he said , " just as you like .  But for your mother 'ssake , I give you till Christmas to consider .  "  " If you bring back Mrs. Daldy , I shall leave the door as she enters it .  "  " I have no wish to hurry you , " he replied , " and therefore she shall not return at present .  Now take these papers with you .  You may lay them before any lawyer you please .  They are only copies , but may be compared with the originals , which I have .  They will quickly prove how totally you are at my discretion .  "  " The money and the land may be so , but not I .  Before I go , answer me one question .  Did you know of these things , whatever they may be , before my father 'sdeath ?  "  He looked at me clearly and calmly , with no withdrawal , or conscious depth in his eyes , and answered :  " No. As a gentleman , I did not .  "  I felt myself more at a loss than ever , and for the moment could not think .  CHAPTER X .  Thus was I , and , what mattered much more , my mother , reduced quite suddenly from a position of rank and luxury , and a prospective income of £ 15 , 000 a-year ( so much had the land increased in value ) to a revenue of nothing , and no home .  Even to me it was a heavy blow , but what could my poor mother do ?  We were assured by counsel that a legal struggle could end in expense alone , and advised by the family lawyers to throw ourselves on the good feeling and appeal to the honour of Mr. Edgar Vaughan .  Mr. Vaughan he must henceforth be called .  I cannot well understand , still less can I explain , small and threadbare technicalities ( motes , which too often are the beam of Justice ) , but the circumstances which robbed me of my father 'shome were somewhat as follows : —  By the will of my father 'sgrandfather , Hubert Vaughan , who died in the year 1782 , the whole of the family property was devised to his son , Vaughan Powis Vaughan , for life , and after his decease , to his sons successively in tail male , failing these to his right heirs in general .  This will was said to have been prepared in haste : it was , in fact , drawn by a country attorney , when the testator was rapidly sinking .  It was very brief , and by no means accurately worded ; neither did it contain those powers to meet family exigencies , which I am told a proper practitioner would have inserted .  There was no reason to suppose that the testator had contemplated anything more than a strict settlement of the usual kind , i.e. a common estate entail , expectant upon a life-interest ; and under which I should have succeeded my father , as his heiress , in the ordinary course .  But it is the chief fault of smatterers in the law ( and country attorneys at that time were no better ) that they will attempt to be too definite .  The country lawyer in this case , grossly ignorant of his profession , and caught by the jangle of the words tail male , had inserted them at hazard , possibly not without some idea that they would insure a stricter succession than a common entail would do .  When my father became of age , measures were taken for barring the entail created by the will of Hubert Vaughan ; and at the time it was believed that these were quite effectual , and therefore that my father was now entitled in fee-simple , and could dispose of the property .  Upon his marriage with my mother , she , with worthy pride , refused most firmly to accept a jointure charged on his estates , alleging that as she brought no fortune into the family , she would not incumber the family property , which had but recently been relieved of incumbrances .  More than this — she had even insisted upon expressly abandoning , by her marriage settlement , all claim to dower .  This unusual course she had adopted , because of some discontent expressed by relatives of my father at his marriage with a portionless bride , whereby her self-respect had been deeply wounded .  So nothing was settled upon her , except her own little estate in Devonshire , which was secured to her separate use .  My father had never permitted this excess of generosity on her part , but that he was by nature careless upon such subjects , and hoped to provide amply for her interests by his will : moreover he was hot to remove all obstacles to their marriage .  But it was now discovered that he had no power to charge the real estate for her benefit , in the manner his will imported ; that he had never been more than a tenant in tail , and that entail such that I could not inherit .  Neither , of course , could I take under his will , as he possessed no power of disposition .  One quarter of all that has been written upon the subject I never could understand ; and even as to the simplest points , sometimes I seem to apprehend them clearly , and then I feel that I do not .  My account of the matter is compressed from what I remember of the legal opinions .  The leading fact , at any rate , and the key to all the mischief , was , that the entail had never been barred at all : the legal process ( called a " recovery " ) which was to have had that effect , being null and void through some absurd informality .  They told me something about a tenant to a precipice , but they must have made a mistake , for there was no precipice on the estate , unless some cliffs near the church could be called so , and they were never let .  Be that as it may , my father 'swill was declared to be waste paper , except as regarded what they called the personalty , or , in good English , the money he had to bequeath .  And of this there was very little , for , shortly before his death , he had spent large sums in drainage , farm-buildings , and other improvements .  Furthermore , he had always maintained a profuse hospitality , and his charity was most lavish .  The lawyers told us that , under the circumstances ( a favourite expression of theirs when they mean some big robbery ) , a court of equity would perhaps consider our application to be " recupped , " as they called it , out of the estate , for the money laid out in improvements under a false impression .  But we had been cupped enough already .  Grossly plundered by legal jargon , robbed by statute , and scourged by scriveners 'traditions , we flung away in disgust the lint the bandits offered , and left them " all estate , right , title , interest , and claim , whether at law or in equity , in to or out of " the licking of our blood .  But now my long suspicions , and never-discarded conviction of my guardian 'sguilt , were , by summary process , not only revived , but redoubled .  This arose partly from the discovery of the stake he had on my father 'slife , and partly , perhaps , from a feeling of hatred towards our supplanter .  That he knew not till now the flaw in our title , and his own superior claim , was more than I could believe .  I felt sure that he had gained this knowledge while in needy circumstances and sharp legal practice , brought , as he then most probably was , into frequent contact with the London agents who had the custody of the documents .  To be in the same room with him , was now more than I could bear , and it became impossible that we should live any longer in the same house .  He , indeed , wished , or feigned to wish , that we should remain there , and even showed some reluctance to urge his unrighteous rights .  But neither my mother ( who bore the shock with strange resignation ) nor myself would hear of any compromise , or take a farthing at his hands , and he was too proud and stern to press upon us his compunctions .  Statements of our case had been prepared and submitted to three most eminent conveyancers , and the three opinions had been found to agree , except upon some trivial points .  More than two months had been thus consumed , and it was now once more the anniversary of my father 'sdeath .  I had spent the time in narrowly watching my ex-guardian 'sconduct , though keeping aloof , as much as possible , from any intercourse with him .  One night , I stole into the room which he called his study , and where ( with a child 'ssimplicity ) I believed him to keep his private documents .  Through Thomas Kenwood , to whom I now confided almost everything , and whose suspicions were even stronger than mine , I obtained clandestine possession of the keys of the large bureau .  As I stood before that massive repository in the dead of night , the struggle within me was intense and long .  What letters , what journals , documents , or momentous relics of a thousand kinds , might be lurking here , waiting only for a daughter 'shand to turn the lock , and cast the light she bore on the death-warrant of her father !  How easy then to snatch away the proof , clutching it , though it should burn the hand or bosom , to wave it , with a triumph wilfully prolonged , before the eyes of justice 'sdull-visioned ministers ; and then to see , without a shudder or a thrill of joy , but with the whole soul gazing , the slow , struggling , ghastly expiation .  As this thought came crawling through my heart , lighting up its depth as would a snake of fire , the buhl before me grew streaks of blood , and the heavy crossbars a gallows .  I lifted my hand to open the outer lock .  Already the old cruciform key was trembling in the silver scutcheon .  I raised the lamp in my left hand to show the lunette guard which curved above the hole , when a heavy mass all cold and dark fell across my eyes .  I started , and thought for the moment , in my strong excitement , that it was my father 'shand .  One instant more , and , through the trembling of my senses , I saw that it was only a thick fold of my long black hair , shaken down on the face by my bending and quivering posture .  But the check was enough .  A Vaughan , and that the last one of so proud and frank a race , to be prowling meanly , with a stolen tool , to violate confidence , and pry through letters !  No suspicion , however strong , nothing short of certainty ( if even that ) could warrant it .  Driven away by shame combined with superstition , I glided from the cold silent room , and restored the keys to my faithful friend , whom I had left in the passage , ordering him at once to replace them , and never touch them again .  " Well , miss , " he whispered , with a smile , " I knew you could n't do it , because I seemed , somehow , it was n't like a Vaughan .  "  We were already preparing to quit the house , no longer ours , when our dismissal became abrupt , through another act of mine .  What drove me to such a wild deed I can scarcely tell .  Shame , perhaps , for the furtive nature of my last attempt hurried me into the other extreme ; and now I was so shaken by conflicting impulse , that nothing was too mad for me .  On the seventh anniversary of my father 'sdeath , and the last which I was likely ever to spend beneath that roof , I passed the whole day in alternate sadness and passion , in the bedroom where he died .  All the relics I possessed , both of his love and of his death , I brought thither ; and spread them out , and wept upon the one , and prayed upon the other .  I also brought my choicest histories of murder and revenge , and pored over them by the waning daylight and the dull lamp , and so on through the night , until my mind became the soul 'sjetsam .  Then I procured four very large wax candles , and lit them at the head of the bed , two on each side , and spread a long white cloth between , as if my father were lying in state ; and hung a row of shorter lights above , to illuminate the letters of blood .  Then I took a small alarum clock , given me by dear father , that I might rise for early walks with him , and set it upon a chest by the door , and fixed it so as to ring five minutes before the hour at which the murder befell .  A cold presentiment crawled through me that , at the fatal time , I should see the assassin .